yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
