I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
