How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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