Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
