Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
