Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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