This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
