That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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