I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
