I looked at my own cervix.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do vagina's smell?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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