i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
