Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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