My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
