My friends, they love my intelligence
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
