that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
