While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
