with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
