Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
