Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You need a sexual gate keeper
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
