I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
