I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
