I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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