At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
