I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
