Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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