The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
