She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
