Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
