He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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