she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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