i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
