i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
