yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
