Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So many bounce houses so little time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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