just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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