dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
