Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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