Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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