His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
