You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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