Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
