I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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