His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How does it feel to date your dad?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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