I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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