dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She said her name was "party"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
