census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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