i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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