just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
