Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
