grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
