I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
