Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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