Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
